METAL GEAR SOLID.NET

For all you need to know about the Metal Gear series!

Are you just an average fan?

For many people Metal Gear Solid is just a game they play when the TV's on but there's nothing decent to watch. It's a very good game, don't get me wrong, and so it gets a fair amount of play, but it's not quite their life. Perhaps you are different. Perhaps you think and dream, live and love Metal Gear to such an extent that you are losing touch with reality. Give yourself a reality check here by going through the list below and checking off what applies to you. Please come back from time to time as this list will be updated. Got anything to add? Please put in in the Guestbook!

You know you're obsessed with Metal Gear when...

  • You don't phone people in the ordinary way; you enter Codec frequencies into your phone and wonder why you're not getting through to people 
  • You name your children after characters, particularly if you give them codenames 
  • After playing MGS2 you buy yourself a directional microphone to eavesdrop on people's conversations
  • In fact you feel the need to own binoculars, thermal goggles and night vision goggles and keep them on your person at all times
  • You join the army expecting to be able to carry around several handguns, rifles, missile launchers, rations, body armour, goggles etc. in various pouches with ease
  • When you get hurt you scream 'The pain... THE PAIN!... THE PAAAIIIN!!!
  • You want to enter Robot Wars with a Metal Gear Mk II
  • Your iPod can't fit any more MGS music on it
  • You throw things as distractions so you can get by unnoticed
  • You've read all of "In The Darkness of Shadow Moses" and thought it was fantastic
  • You roll or cartwheel to get through a crowd, or swing past on a gantry
  • You've earned yourself the Big Boss codename on both MGS and MGS2
  • You play a game in one sitting
  • You single-handedly tried to get the Snake Eater single into the Top 10
  • You build Metal Gear Lego
  • When you see a pen lying around you get the urge to thrust it into your neck
  • You still try to fire the Stinger at Gray Fox even though Snake "can't do it!"
  • You play all the games over and over again until you earn yourself all the codenames
  • You've pondered over the Solidus' name for a while, and in your mind he should still be called Gaseous
  • You've bought Easter Island statuettes and hidden them around your house (I recommend the Spring/Summer 2009 Argos catalogue for these things)
  • You're going to visit all the locations of the games
  • You own a FOX-HOUND style trenchcoat
  • You own a sneaking suit
  • You don't walk; you sneak
  • You get your daughter and your niece confused
  • All your birthday presents are related to Metal Gear
  • You're convinced Solidus is a state of matter
  • You have your own MGS site (oh dear)
  • You know the names of all the levels in MGS3, and more importantly, you know how to spell them all without really having to think about it
  • You wonder why a box with "To Work" on does nothing but attract strange looks
  • You've made your own Baker-style optic disc which must be kept very safe
  • You keep a PAL key on you somewhere where no one will find it
  • At airports you get the mad desire to jump onto the baggage reclaim conveyor belt and hide in a red, yellow or blue box
  • You got arrested for bungie jumping off the George Washington bridge
  • You completely understand all of the plotlines
  • You check job ads for "Patriot" or "Philanthroper"
  • You eagerly go up to children's face painters and ask for designs like "Splitter" or "Infinity"
  • You would gladly buy a Raikov mask and wear it in public
  • Your answerphone message is "This is Raven's territory...send him a message" recorded from the game
  • Your friends can't shut you up about Metal Gear f***ing Solid!
  • Even if your girlfriend had been knocked out, shot, captured and tortured in the last few hours, she'd still be the one to drive you both home
  • Your Metal Gear fanfics are as long as "In The Darkness of Shadow Moses"
  • You have a radio station called FOXALIVE which broadcasts Metal Gear stuff
  • You've somehow made your friends just as obsessed
  • Your girlfriend seems to become more and more like Rose every day
  • Your hair changes colour when you cut it
  • You keep your keys at different temperatures
  • You've built a working Codec and it's in your ear at the moment
  • You've changed your name to David
  • You can understand why negotiations with 2005's President must have been such a headache for everyone
  • You've controlled a tank, a giant robot, a snowmobile, a dog sled, a jeep, a Harrier, and a helicopter, and you're wondering what next
  • You tried to enter the Eskimo-Indian Olympics
  • You've written a sequel and tried to send it to Konami
  • You've rewritten "In The Darkness of Shadow Moses" from the perspective of another character
  • You've entered competitions related to MGS
  • You've heard the mono-only piece of speech in MGS
  • Now that you know there's a mono-only piece of speech, you've replayed the game in mono sound to listen out for it
  • Your car is now known as the Shagohod
  • If Snake can break handcuffs, so can you!
  • You've looked for Shadow Moses, if only on a map
  • You've lost your keys in radioactive waste before now
  • You've memorised the SNAKE EATER acronym
  • You've decked out your desk at work with all the action figures
  • You are an absolute master at all the VR Training levels in all the games
  • You have a Nokia phone so you can have the game Snake, which you've now renamed "Snake Eater"
  • You use Metal Gear fonts on your computer
  • Your ambition is to become famous, go on "I'm a Celebrity" and then live out a couple of weeks as if you're playing Snake Eater
  • You're now addicted to Ape Escape but it doesn't hold the same appeal without Snake in it
  • You tried to call George "Dubya" Bush to demand corpses, vaccines and $1bn from him - you may well have succeeded
  • Ships should be called "Discovery"
  • You've waited for hours in the Heliport for the Hind to come back
  • You wonder how Liquid got up on top of REX with Snake and Meryl, and wondered where Meryl was before REX got destroyed
  • You try to work out where on the base all the terrorists are at any particular moment
  • You've looked for Volgin's room
  • You hide Easter Island statues and/or Kerotans around the house/garden/street
  • You buy any video game magazine with Metal Gear even mentioned on it
  • You often quote random proverbs at people
  • You would just love to be cornered by Sniper Wolf, knocked unconscious by a FAMAS rifle and then strapped to Ocelot's torture device
  • You wonder if one of your friends is actually Decoy Octopus
  • You walk into a room expecting everything to go black and the name of the room to appear
  • "Welcome, Kasak" is one of your greetings
  • You shout "Brother!" at your brother all the time, or worse, at anyone
  • You name your kids/pets/cuddly toys after characters in MGS
  • All you need is scattered around for you to find in boxes
  • Your little sister is now known as EE
  • Fatman starts looking attractive
  • Snake in The Simpsons is a favourite character just for his name
  • You end phonecalls with "Goodbye, Mr President"
  • You live off Instant Noodles now (and didn't before!)
  • You've become a bee-keeper because you love The Pain so much
  • You spend nights tossing and turning, trying to work out what Metal Gear design would actually succeed in destroying Snake
  • You have self-lighting cigarettes
  • You keep looking for a blue transparent cone sticking out of the ground to run into
  • You've seen all six of Meryl's workouts
  • You know all of Nastasha's lines
  • You know all of Mei Ling's proverbs and have done research on them
  • You can recall all the differences between MGS and The Twin Snakes
  • You keep bullets between your fingers to be more like Volgin
  • You have operating theatre lights over your bed
  • You've made your own AC!D cards and games to play with them
  • You have been to the doctor to try and get a vaccine against FOXDIE
  • You have flashbacks of events you didn't witness
  • You have a dog named Rex, a fish named Ray and a goose called Gander
  • You spray hair spray on car batteries mistaking them for Fatman's bombs
  • You've edited Konami staff ghosts into your photographs
  • You make MGS puppets, much like the Potter Puppet Pals (see YouTube)
  • You've gone over the 100% complete mark in Special Missions
  • You buy consoles just to play Metal Gear games (guilty!)
  • You wear an eye patch, but can't decide between Big Boss and Solidus so you stumble around with two eyepatches
  • You drew on Liquid's tattoo... or you asked a tattoo artist to do it professionally by showing him a screenshot
  • The word "mailing" excites you and reminds you of Mei Ling
  • You get a dog tag engraved with a character name even though it costs £8!! Damn it! (Can you tell I've done this? No prizes for guessing the name I got!)
  • You want ravens (or a parrot... or a hawk... or wolves) to start following you around
  • You don't trust the government, but only because they are probably concealing a nuclear walking battle tank
  • You've played Snake's Revenge
  • You ask random strangers if they're called Ames
  • You crawl and dress accordingly to increase your camo index
  • A crack in the pavement causes you to get out your cigarettes to check for infrared beams
  • You go to an anime convention just to look for Otacon
  • You do the Snake/Otacon handshake from MGS2 with a friend of yours
  • You are often seen doing Ocelot's trademark pose from MGS3
  • You walk underneath surveillance cameras
  • You chat people up with the line "Can I have your Codec frequency, only I've lost mine"
  • You are convinced Ocelot will steal your arm when you're dead
  • You assign different characters to your friends and then all act accordingly
  • You are disappointed to learn that Elton John was not singing about a rocket launcher, so you adapt its lyrics
  • You bought the Snake Eater single from Japan
  • You rewrite song lyrics so that they are now about MGS
  • You buy MGS strategy guides in languages you don't understand
  • You own all the action figures and re-enact scenes from the games with them
  • You buy the same game for all the platforms it's released on
  • You've memorised all the Codec frequencies you'll ever need
  • You hide in a locker when your boss/teacher is coming
  • Although you bought a Gamecube so you could play The Twin Snakes, you then discovered the FOX-HOUND silver Gamecube and bought that too
  • You're now a smoker who doesn't shave very often and who wears a blue bandanna
  • You repeat statements as one word questions
  • You take a torpedo or helicopter to work
  • You crawl on noisy floors
  • You don't read movie reviews anymore, you just look to Paramedic's recommendations
  • You've drawn on the scars of Major Zero/Colonel Volgin
  • You don't use make up like other women do; you use shoe polish instead
  • Carrying items reduces your stamina, but keeping them in your backpack doesn't
  • You believe you'll come back after you die unless you're tortured to death
  • Diarrhoea is now known to you as Johnny Sasaki Syndrome
  • You're one of those people who has filmed yourself sneaking around dressed as Snake in public and uploaded it to YouTube
  • You can beat all the Metal Gear RAYs on Extreme
  • You can cartwheel with no hands, but only if you're naked
  • You read too far into Chemistry lessons on the states of matter, and manage to get the word "Snake" into your homework
  • You can duplicate any character's voice
  • You've learnt to juggle revolvers
  • Pressing a button enables you to skip other people's boring phone conversations
  • You can quote any line from any game
  • You don't get tired or slow down running up the steps of a huge tower
  • You bought ZOE and took it back promptly when you found the demo of MGS2 had been left out
  • You breathe like Psycho Mantis
  • You think you can float like Psycho Mantis
  • You buy different versions of the same game (e.g. Platinum)
  • You call your boss "Colonel"
  • You find it weird moving in first person view
  • You're known by your mates as Snake and force your girlfriend to change her name to Meryl and get a FOX-HOUND tattoo
  • You got into science to help mankind, only to learn that that's just in the movies
  • You plan to join the military for no other reason than to be more like Snake
  • You have tried to contact Konami about some rather minor detail
  • You went to find the Konami offices where Metal Gear was born
  • You don't want anyone to spot your footprints
  • You are stalking Hideo Kojima
  • You quote MGS characters in everyday conversations
  • You believe that painting Japanese characters on your face will give you infinite ammo/stationery/money etc.
  • You carry a plastic sword and pretend to fight Solidus
  • You salute the MGS Main Theme at the end and stand with some sense of patriotism
  • You cry at all the deaths
  • You design new Metal Gear robots
  • You really want to try a Calorie-Mate
  • Your dreams often include bizarre situations with MGS characters which is completely normal for you
  • MGS has inspired you to learn a language like Japanese or Russian
  • Even if you're looking for it, you're surprised to see "Metal Gear!"
  • You begin to grow suspicious that everyone you meet must somehow be closely related to you
  • Everyone is actually conspiring against you
  • Ocelot has made you a huge fan of Country and Western films
  • Once you've spoken to someone on the phone, they're automatically stored in your phonebook and you can't remove them
  • You work out in order to be strong enough to lift a gatling gun or rail gun
  • Everyone seems to be dying of a heart attack near you and you're sure your infected with FOXDIE
  • People pour out their life stories to you before they die
  • Complete strangers seem to have a hell of a lot to say to you
  • You secretly would be over the moon to meet Raiden if he actually existed
  • You wonder what this nonsense disclaimer about everything being fictional is actually about - you've met Snake!
  • Stun grenades stun everyone in the vicinity except you
  • When a character is a spitting image of someone you know, you have a new found respect (or hatred?) for them - this is true of The Boss and my old Geography teacher!
  • The safest route into any building is the air vent
  • There is nothing out of the ordinary about a cardboard box which is always a few feet behind you and breathes in cold weather
  • You know everyone who worked on the games and what their roles were
  • When someone calls you whom you don't know, they become known to you as Deepthroat
  • Your phone's ringtone is the same as the Codec's (thanks Damien King!)
  • You killed your father, then your brother wanted revenge because he wanted to do that (gee, I hope you woke up and found that was a dream!) (thanks Cyclorama Henri Ikhsan Pratama!)
  • You dream of hijacking Arsenal Gear, capturing someone, taking all their clothes and equipment and strapping them to an unused torture machine (did this happen to you? - thanks Rheiss Kasjan!) 
  • You have Metal Gear dates included on your calendar
  • By way of introduction, you grab a person's groin to make sure they are who you think they are (or the sex they say they are)
  • You paint a raven on your forehead, or worse, get a tattoo done
  • Doors are hidden behind bookcases in your house
  • Elevators open immediately if you press the button twice
  • Every room in your house has a security level
  • Food increases your stamina but water is not an essential part of your lifestyle or diet
  • Any game that is not Metal Gear related is unworthy of your attention
  • After playing AC!D, you need cards to dictate what you can do next
  • You now only skate on oil rigs
  • You are slowly becoming more and more like Snake every day
  • Lockers are a good place to hide
  • You run around naked because you think you're wearing Stealth camouflage
  • Bandannas are the new black
  • You are convinced you're a clone of your father and must find the other clones to kill them off
  • Hanging from things will level up your grip meter
  • For birthdays you send MGS postcards complete with quotes of that character on the back
  • You're annoyed that most other video games use X as their main selection button
  • You are paranoid about the Patriots
  • You fantasise about characters
  • The military is now something you are incredibly familiar with
  • Your specialist subject on Mastermind would be Metal Gear
  • You've written Codec frequencies in your phone book just in case
  • If one of your friends develops a headache or starts acting strangely, you knock them out and start looking for Psycho Mantis
  • Someone always seems to be screaming "Snaaaaaaaaaake!"
  • You see everyday cardboard boxes in a new light
  • You sometimes fall to pieces in public, smack your head on the ground and scream "The mediciiiiine!"
  • When a character name crops up in a normal sentence, you get really excited
  • You do a degree in Genetics just to understand Naomi Hunter
  • You wonder why uprooting plants in the garden doesn't turn them into boxes of food
  • You have your own codename which everyone must call you by
  • You spend hours planning sequels and their characters, terrorists' supernatural abilites, weapons, locations and plot twists
  • You send a Valentine's card which says on the cover "I'm going to send you a love letter, my dear. Do you know what that is?" and on the inside completes: "It's a bullet straight from my gun to your heart", much to the distress of the recipient (see if MoonPig can sort something out for you)
  • You see potential sneaking suit designs when browsing wet suits
  • You've wondered what Liquid would have done next had he won the final battle
  • You just know that you're one of the characters
  • You stack up boxes 2x2x2 in the attic and pretend to fight Raven
  • You stress for days trying to work out where Liquid went after leaving the torture room via the lower door on the Twin Snakes
  • You set up your own PAN network system in your house, much to the annoyance of your family
  • You run up behind complete strangers and tell them to "Freeze!"
  • You have a white haired wig which you wear when you feel like being Raiden
  • You have a selection of wigs which enable you to do different things
  • You speak like Naomi, and no one, not even yourself, understands what you are talking about
  • You refuse to believe that someone identical to you could possibly be your twin
  • You refuse to believe the strategy guide until you've counted all the gun cameras in the Warehouse North for yourself
  • Laser tag is not just a fun activity anymore, it's a matter of life and death
  • Paintballing is your chance to live out MGS3 and you take it very seriously
  • You know where all the mistakes and errors are in the games
  • You can only hold two things at once
  • Everyone around you is your enemy, and is probably Russian
  • Ketchup is no longer for eating; it's for faking a fatal wound
  • You have tried to fake a wound by crushing a bottle of Ketchup under your prone body (which was hard enough), but then got a real wound from the shards of glass
  • Your brother seems to be invincible
  • All your friends are starting to betray you
  • You don't walk downstairs, you either roll or hang over the banister and let go
  • You intend to rebuild Mother Russia
  • You contact MGS voice actors
  • You're out and you get a strong desire to get out a knife and cut down loads of random fruits and mushrooms then proceed to eat them (and get food poisoning) 
  • You wear a MGS dog tag all the time, except when someone holds you up for it!
  • You sit in the boot of a car in a cardboard box, hoping not to be spotted
  • Someone puts you forward to save the world
  • People call you to explain how to climb ladders
  • You expect to have a rather small field of vision
  • When the phone rings, you instinctively place a hand to your ear
  • When there's nothing on TV, you don't watch a movie, you watch the Demo Theatre
  • You dress as a Metal Gear character
  • You've tried to make your own Chaff Grenades or Cardboard Box (I'm sorry if I'm to blame)
  • You're reading this list with concern that it sounds a lot like you
  • You apply for a job in FOX-HOUND
  • You own all the merchandise you can lay your hands on
  • Your ringtone is the MGS main theme
  • You are annoyed with restaurants that do not have snakes on the menu
  • Your social life flourishes more in Metal Gear forums that in the real world
  • You stuff other people in lockers
  • Your only requirement for a boy/girlfriend is that they play MGS
  • The Pringles logo reminds you of Revolver Ocelot
  • You hide in cardboard boxes
  • "Raiden" is an insult
  • You are strangely in love with Roy Campbell, Jim Houseman or Kenneth Baker
  • You spend ages thinking of a lot of things that are missing from this list
  • Saving the world just isn't a big deal any more
  • You want nanomachines injected into your blood
  • If someone spots you, you go into various modes but return to normal living once Caution Mode is over
  • Anyone wearing glasses is known to you as Otacon, EE or The Sorrow
  • Sod console wars - any console with a Metal Gear game is worth owning!
  • Your friends are slowly leaving you because of this unhealthy obsession
  • It's got to the point now when you're so obsessed that you talk to your doctor about treatment
  • You won't go to a doctor unless their name is Dr Hunter
  • You don't mind if you go mad because of this obsession, just so long as you go mad in the same vein as Gray Fox
  • You think everyone's carrying dog tags and items that you'll need
  • You sneak around school or work holding people up for their items
  • You make phonecalls crouching
  • The world seems to stop everything while you are talking on the phone
  • Taking a minor injury after smoking for five minutes means instant death
  • You wonder why people don't have punctuation above their heads
  • You've read this far down
  • You can add to this list with personal experiences
  • You print this list and use it as a checklist
  • You are influenced to try some of the things on this list